How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

Oct 22, 2015

At Delaware Consulting, work is always accompanied by the necessary dose of humor. Our colleagues appreciate a good joke now and then. That is why it is an important selection criterion for our new colleagues. Please judge for yourself whether their jokes are Delaware Consulting-proof …

In the past month we conducted in-depth interviews with every one of them. This is how we try to find out the answers to the questions: “Who are you? ”, “What is your passion? ”, “What motivates you?”. We also asked them: “What’s the last good joke that you’ve heard recently?”. This resulted in some interesting insights we would like to share with you.

We are happy to introduce you the new generation of Delaware Consulting!

1. Joram

My name is Joram and I recently graduated as a bachelor in applied computer science. I’m part of the Digital team within Delaware Consulting, which is specialized in web development. In my spare time I like to work out and make music.

Three engineers were riding a car: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft software engineer. The car stalled, and they rolled it to the side of the road.

– The mechanical engineer popped the hood, looked in and said: “Look. The drive belt is loose. All we have to do is tighten it up and the car will work just fine.”
– The chemical engineer replied: “No, that’s all wrong. The problem is fuel contamination. We have to drain the fuel, filter it, and then everything will be A-OK.”
– The Microsoft software engineer told the other two: “No, I’ve seen this problem before. We have to get back in the car, close all the windows, shut down the car, get out, get back in, start up the car, open all the windows, and then it will run.”

2. Sam

Hello! My name is Sam. I recently graduated from the Erasmushogeschool and I joined the SAP Development team. One of my biggest passions is traveling. I try to fly twice a month to discover new places around the world. So when I’m not at home you can usually find me in an airport around the world or in a Delaware Consulting office of course :).

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad says: “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.” The little girl screams to her brother: “Don’t eat it. It’s an asshole!”

3. Maico

My name is Maico and I’m 21 years old. I graduated in Ghent as a bachelor in applied computer science. I like to sport and hang out with some friends. A quote I often use (originally from Einstein): “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough”

– (person1) Nobody understands me
– (person2) How do you mean?

4. Casandra-Justina

Hi, my name is Casandra and I’m a new member of the Digital Team. I’m 27 years old and 3 years ago I moved to Belgium and started over by returning to my high-school passion: informatics. I enjoy spending time with a good book or movie, but you can find me outside too strolling and enjoying nature.

Conversation between a husband and his wife:

– What would you do if we won the lottery?
– I would take half of the money and leave you!
– Ok, we just won €20, here’s €10. Now start packing.

5. Pieter

Hi! I’m Pieter, 23 years old and born and raised in Roeselare. I graduated as an electrical engineer – ICT in Ghent and I joined the MS SharePoint team. In my spare time, I like to go for a run, read about the latest technology trends, watch films and series. I also like to game and sharpen my language skills.

Not exactly a joke but there’s a funny website I recently discovered, ‘Garfield Minus Garfield’ is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential fear of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb. You won’t regret visiting this website!

6. Özer

Greetings and salutations, my name is Özer. As my name implies, I have Turkish roots (both my parents are Turkish.) I started in the Digital team. Some of my hobbies are running and playing guitar, as pretty much every colleague knows by now.

There are 10 types of people, those who can read binary and those who can’t.

7. Kevin

I’m Kevin and I’ve studied applied informatics at Vives Kortrijk. I was born in Ronse but grew up in Meulebeke (West-Flanders). I have 1 year of experience in web development within a support team.

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down, and one lands in each of the pints.

– The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another one.
– The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs and takes a long swallow.
– The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, “Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!”

8. Jürgen

I’m Jürgen, I’m 27 years old and I live in Antwerp with my girlfriend. I grew up in Geel and I frequently return to meet up with friends. My favorite activities are going to music festivals, watching TV shows, work out and going out with friends. During my studies I went abroad and met many new friends with whom I try to keep in touch. Lastly I see myself as a calm and friendly person, you can rely on.

A software engineer was smoking. A lady standing nearby said to him: “Can’t you see the warning, ‘Smoking is injurious to health….!’  He replied: “We are bothered only about errors, not warnings!”

9. Julie

My name is Julie and I recently joined the SAP Production Logistics team. I am 23 years old and I graduated as a business engineer in management information systems from the University of Antwerp. I recently started dancing (ballroom and Latin) and I love skiing in winter. In my spare time I enjoy cooking and spending time with family and friends.

Some guys were sitting around the table at a dinner party and start bragging. The first one said: “I bought a new Mercedes for my wife, from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds.” Another one said: “I bought my love a Porsche, from 0 to 100 in 4.5 seconds.” The others were impressed, but one said: “I gave my wife something special, from 0 to 100 in 1 second!”. Everyone was very curious: “Wow, what have you bought?” To which the other replied: “a balance”.

10. Charlotte

Hi! I am Charlotte and I recently obtained my master’s degree in applied economic science at the ULB. I am excited to join the Microsoft Dynamics AX team as a functional analyst. In my free time I like to cook, go out with my friends and I love listening to music, especially in my new ride.

There are 5 ways to know that you are dating a consultant:

1. Referred to the first month of your relationship as a “diagnostic period”
2. Congratulates your parents for successful value creation
3. Refers to those “intimate moments” as “win-win situations”
4. Celebrates anniversary by conducting a performance review
5. Valentine’s Day card has bullet points

11. Thomas

Hi, my name is Thomas and I just joined the MS ECM team. I recently got a degree in applied computer science with a major in software management. In my spare time I play music on my bass guitar and I also like running to stay healthy.

I was living a very actively life: playing tennis, football participating into car races. Sometimes I would play pool and poker. But somebody stole my computer and that was it…

There were quite some funny jokes in here, right? And the answer to this blogpost’s title? It depends on your budget.


Author: Jasper Van Mullem. You can follow Jasper on Twitter (@jasper_vm) or connect with him on LinkedIn

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